Anyone who calls themselves a feminist has their own reasons and path to claiming this label. I don’t intend this to be a confessional blog – there are enough over-educated, middle class, white millennial feminists talking about their lives on the internet and everywhere else, some with more wit, skill, and thoughtfulness than I could offer, and some with less…. But I thought it would be appropriate to begin this column with an introduction to who I am, why I’m here, and where I hope to go.

freestyling-feminism

Regrettably I did not discover feminism in high school. I am convinced that my adolescence would have been greatly improved if I had listened to Bikini Kill alongside the Clash, but that came later. I mostly discovered feminism through blogs towards the end of high school and the first year of university – the Bust blog and magazine, Feministing, and of course, Jezebel at its high point. Body image and body positivity seemed to be a hot topic at the time, and was an ideal entry point for me. Like many (most?) girls, coming of age meant a sudden, negative awareness of my own body’s existence, from which followed constant comparison with other girls. Negative body talk became a primary topic of conversation with friends.

By the end of high school, I’d largely decided that fat/ugly talk was boring and reconciled myself with preferring food and sitting around to being “hot”, but the newfound concept of body positivity and body image as a political and cultural issue put my thoughts and feelings about my body in a new light with far reaching implications. My new understanding of beauty standards and girls’ body image issues led to real and long lasting changes in my own body image on an emotional as well as intellectual level. It also empowered me to eat the amazing carrot cake at UVic library coffee shop twice a week for all of first year and gain a good fifteen pounds with no qualms… Let’s just say that it took a couple years for my approach to body positivity to evolve past the many negative attitudes and associations that the weight loss imperative attaches to healthy eating and exercise.

More importantly, body positivity also kicked off an interest in, and awareness of, feminism in general. Through articles and discussions that I read online, as well as an introductory women’s studies course and other university courses that dealt with critical perspectives, I was exposed to concepts like privilege that changed how I understood the world and my place in it. Having grown up white, middle class, straight, etc in a predominantly white, middle class, complacently left wing environment, I was certainly opposed to racism, homophobia, and other kinds of bigotry on principle, but I had little understanding of how those things really worked or manifested. Reading about feminism that pertained to my concerns, led me to reading about feminist issues less directly recognizable in my own life. Themes such as feminism and race, queer feminism, and issues faced by transwomen, sex workers, or poor women, for example.

I was exposed to a multitude of perspectives, ideas, and issues, because I was mostly reading about intersectional feminism. Intersectional feminism takes feminism (“women’s/gender issues”) as a starting point, but recognizes the other factors that impact individual women’s lives and the concerns of diverse groups of women. Intersectional feminism recognizes a plurality of feminisms and the diversity, even contradiction, among “women’s experiences” and gender issues. Intersectional feminism not only led me to a better, and empowering, understanding of myself and my own circumstances, but to greater social awareness and critical sensitivity to issues and perspectives outside my own direct experience.

In my last post, I discussed the urgent need to embrace intersectionality whole-heartedly and for white people in particular to throw their weight into anti-racism efforts in the coming years. (And into efforts against the misogyny, colonialism, homophobia, transphobia, Judeo- and Islamophobia that are enmeshed with white supremacy.) It would be disingenuous to say that intersectionality matters now, as if it did not matter so much before. In some ways, this election doesn’t signal a change in American culture and society, so much as it should serve as a wakeup call to those of us who perhaps did not realize the extent and severity of racism and fear and anger in America in the twenty-first century. It is a privileged position to be unaware of that reality and perhaps if the greater mass of liberals and progressives had been more conscious, had really felt on the behalf of their marginalized, vulnerable, and even angry friends and neighbours who were telling them about this reality, the new reality of a Trump presidency could have been defended against.

Although I do not live or vote in the United States, I admit to experiencing guilt in the wake of the election because I was as disbelieving of the result as anyone else who didn’t think such overt bigotry could be so widely socially acceptable. I am taking the American election as a wake-up call that intersectionality needs to be more than awareness, it has to be felt and acted upon – it has to be more than a politically correct intellectual performance. As I did in my last post, I urge Canadians to start doing this work now and to reject complacency.

As I mentioned at the top of this post, I mostly want to avoid confessional-style blogging, but I want to hold myself accountable by expressing these intentions. So I apologize if my first two posts seem to be speaking to an assumed-white audience, but I also hope I can help motivate others like myself to avoid sliding back into privileged complacency as we all adjust to a post-Trump world. The general intention of this column is to discuss a diversity of feminism-related topics while maintaining an intersectional perspective and mandate. I hope to strike a balance between serious topics and more upbeat, and between positive news and critical perspectives. I am obviously limited in my ability, or entitlement, to give personal insight into many intersectional topics, but I hope to at least facilitate introductions to a range of issues, ideas, and critical perspectives.


lizElisabeth came to Edmonton to do a Masters degree in History at the University of Alberta after completing a Bachelor of Arts degree in Art History at the University of Victoria. Her research interests include medieval and early modern social and cultural history, especially issues around medical history and persecution. In the first year of her Masters degree, Elisabeth received the Joseph-Armand Bombardier Canada Graduate Scholarship from the Social Science and Humanities Research Council of Canada, followed by the Walter H. Johns Fellowship, Queen Elizabeth II Graduate Scholarship, and the Field Law Leilani Muir Graduate Research Scholarship.She  presented at the HCGSA Conference at University of Alberta in 2016 and will be writing the entry on Leprosy in World Christianity for the De Gruyter’s Encyclopedia of the Bible and its Reception (forthcoming). She has worked as a Research Assistant at the University of Alberta, and as a contract researcher and writer for the Government of Alberta’s Heritage division. In addition to her work as a writer and researcher, Elisabeth works with the Art Gallery of Alberta.

While the problem of Islamophobia might seem like a relatively recent media buzzword, it actually describes a phenomenon that goes back to the beginning of revelation and one that has been dealt with by each of Allah’s prophets in different ways from Adam (a.s.) to Muhammad (saw). In times of increasing insecurity about our positions as Muslims in the West and the world at large, as well as increasing instances of divisive political rhetoric and verbal and physical assault against Muslims, members of our Ummah are uncertain about the most appropriate course of action when dealing with discrimination. Many feel angry, fearful or helpless. What better example do we have for dealing with these difficulties than the last messenger of Allah himself, Muhammad (saw), and the one who endured the worst abuses hurled at himself, at Islam and at Muslims in the history of our Deen?

Firstly, Muhammad (saw) was commanded personally and along with all other Muslims, to be patient with the abusers and forgive them. Allah tells us, “You will surely be tested in your possessions and in yourselves. And you will surely hear from those who were given the Scripture before you and from those who associate others with Allah much abuse. But if you are patient and fear Allah – indeed that is of the matters [worthy] of determination.” (Qur’an 3:186) Further, among many other instances, Allah adds, “And do not obey the disbelievers and the hypocrites; and disregard their hurt and put your trust in Allah; and sufficient is Allah as a Disposer of Affairs.” (33:48)

Further, by being exemplary practitioners of the Deen and refusing to respond to provocations in a manner that is ignorant, we are also embodying the methods of the Prophet (saw) in enduring and rising above abuse. He sought refuge in Allah as he was commanded to and, in doing so, gained the respect of his perpetrators, caring for them even in the face of their abuse. One excellent example of this as recorded in Sahih Bukhari and Muslim recounts an incident that occurred when the Prophet (saw) travelled to a neighbouring town of Taif. Contained within is a beautiful supplication that creates peace in the heart when recited in emulation of him.

In Taif, the elders of the town planned an organized campaign to ridicule the Prophet (saw). To escalate their disapproval of the Prophet and prevent him from preaching Islam, they set a group of children and vagabonds behind him who then pestered and threw stones at him. Tired, forsaken and wounded, he sought refuge in a nearby garden which belonged to Atabah and Shaibah, two wealthy chiefs of the Quraish. They were both there when Prophet Muhammad entered and sat under a distant tree. The Prophet raised his face towards heaven and prayed:

“O Almighty! I raise unto you my complaint for my weakness, my helplessness, and for the ridicule to which I have been subjected. O Merciful! You are the Master of all oppressed people, You are my God! So to whom would You consign me? To the strangers who would ill-treat me, or to the enemies who have an upper hand over me? If whatever has befallen me is not because of Your wrath, then I fear not. No doubt, the field of Your security and care is wide enough for me. I seek refuge in Your light which illuminates darkness and straightens the affairs of this world and hereafter, that Your displeasure and wrath may not descend upon me. For the sake of Your pleasure, I remain pleased and resigned to my fate. No change in this world occurs without Your Will.”

Atabah and Shaibah were watching. They sent for their servant named Adaas and gave him a plate full of grapes. “Take this to that man under the tree,” they ordered, which he did. As the Prophet (saw) picked the grapes he said: “In the Name of God, the Most Merciful, the Most Compassionate”. Adaas had never heard this before and was impressed by it, because the Prophet was invoking mercy and compassion of Almighty in spite of all his hardship.

“Who are you?” Adaas asked. Muhammad replied, “I am the Prophet of God. Where do you come from?” The servant said: “I am Adaas, a Christian. I come from Nainava.”

“Nainava? You come from a place where my brother Yunus bin Mati (Jonah son of Mati) lived,” the Prophet said. Adaas was surprised to hear the name. “What do you know of Yunus? Here no one seems to know him. Even in Nainava there were hardly ten people who knew his father’s name.” The Prophet said: “Yes, I know him because just like me, he was a Prophet of Almighty God.” Adaas fell on his knees before the Prophet, kissed his hand and embraced him.

It is further reported that after the Prophet took refuge from the stone throwing mob, Angel Jibreel came to the Prophet and asked him if he so wished Jibreel would give the command to bury the city between two mountains. Although the Prophet had suffered a great deal at the hands of these people, he replied that he did not wish destruction for the people of Taif because maybe their offspring would proclaim the religion of truth. Even in his moment of earthly suffering, he still maintained righteous behaviour and compassion – an example we can all benefit from witnessing through our learning.

This article was originally written for Islam 101, a monthly publication in Edmonton, Alberta.

I have some people that I keep at bay on Facebook and other social media outlets. Most people who know me, know that I don’t take lightly to removing people from social media pages because I see it as a loss for potential education on critical issues. I have seen incredible growth and understanding about social justice issues in general and Islam in particular from people I know, and I am regularly thanked for offering this information freely and unceasingly. However, during the last Canadian federal election in 2015, there was such hateful rhetoric being spewed out of the timelines of people I have known my entire life that I had to take what I consider to be drastic action and put them under a privacy setting so that they don’t appear in my newsfeed. I’m torn about this because the flipside is that I no longer appear in theirs; however, I’m not too sad about it because they have continued to engage with certain posts of mine which means that they are, indeed, going out of their way to check up on me without me having to be subjected to the vile poison they put into the world daily.

These people are my dirty little secret because I know exactly how they think and how they will act. I know this because I study the Holocaust for a living. I know exactly what kind of illogical thought processes go through the minds of those who hate, even if they are totally unconscious of their hatred. I have a strange ritual I go through whenever a terrorist attack happens or a shooting or some other equally hideous event: after properly mourning, I go look at the pages of these people to see if my assumptions about their thought processes are correct, to see if they will continue to err on the side of reckless, prejudiced thinking and behaviour. And I’m always right. They have no idea how predictable they are and how much they lack a genuine original thought. Harsh, yeah, but I hardly think pandering to xenophobes and how they feel about anything makes much sense.

It doesn’t matter what has happened in the world, whether an attack against Muslims in a Muslim country somewhere, whether a coup in an increasingly authoritarian country (which they may be hard-pressed to actually find on a map) or whether it is another black person of countless black people gunned down in the streets of America…whatever it is, you will find them blaming all Muslims, saying that not all religions are the same, that some are worse than others, saying that all lives matter, saying that blue lives matter, saying that any life matters unless they are black and brown and Muslim lives. They even go so far as to regurgitate blatantly misogynistic bullshit while often being women themselves, not realizing the violence they are doing to themselves or not realizing the privilege they have if such misogyny doesn’t touch them. They remain silent when the victims are from the LGBTQ community or pretend that, because the shooter in Orlando had Muslim lineage, Christians would never do this to gay people because Christianity is “different”. For the love of God, open a history book. Just once.

Regardless of how they frame it: what I continually see is a lack of knowledge and empathy. Half the time, these things aren’t even spelled correctly which only adds to me feeling disheartened. These are the same people calling educated people like me “Libtards” (which is a profoundly offensive term, especially to those who care for and love individuals living with disabilities). These are the same people claiming that I’m not more educated than them because I spend thousands of hours of my life studying in University (sorry, but that’s exactly what it means – I have no more value than you intrinsically, but I’m still more educated than you). These are the same people who pride themselves on calling other people out, not for the sake of justice, but to win an argument, to be “right” even though any half-educated person knows these days that the idea of “right” is nebulous and socially constructed. There is no greater arrogance than this because it causes the harm of others for the sake of satiating an insatiable ego.

So, they never stop.

In the current political climate, all red lines have been obliterated.

Just the other day, I had to remove Holocaust deniers from my pages. Shortly thereafter, I nearly spit my coffee all over my phone when I saw one of these individuals claiming that black people and the Black Lives Matter movement “has become a group of brats who say everything and anything is racist if it involves someone of colour.”

Excuse me for a moment………………. are you f*cking kidding me?

These types of people support Donald Trump. Like, actually support him. Like think he would be a good president kind of support.* In a world full of critics and just regular goddamn people who can’t even believe he has made it this far (because: what an insane, horrible, nightmare-ish joke that just won’t end, am I right?)… there are people out there WHO I KNOW who watched the Republican National Convention and shouted “All Lives Matter” along with these lunatic fascists. Lifelong Republicans who believe in the party of Lincoln no longer recognize this mutated far-right, gun-toting, skin-bleaching zombie that is the GOP. They are committing party suicide left and right, trying to distance themselves from the hateful rhetoric that shitheads like David Goddamn Duke delightfully retweet.

(*Note: my loathing of Donald Trump is in NO WAY indicative of any support for Hillary Clinton.)

Yes, that’s right. I have people I have known my entire life, still in my life, who consciously defend white supremacy and white supremacists. There is no other way to frame it. Their entire identity is enshrouded in their whiteness and they spend their time defending any ill-perceived attack on it from those “darkies” that keep shouting for their own freedom. I’m included in that lot because I’m an educated, veiled “Libtard” with a husband and kid from Africa.

Like many activists, and especially like many historians, and ESPECIALLY like many historians of the Third Reich and Holocaust, I have no clue what to do any longer and am horrified to watch elements of history repeating itself as people get their lesser-educated minds washed and manipulated by dangerous fools with a microphone.

I’m tired.

There is a tidal wave of bitter insanity brewing in these people who barely stop short of shouting “white genocide” from their gentrified neighbourhood rooftops.

I’m so very tired.

How do we continue slogging? How do we, who have taken NEVER AGAIN into the depths of our being, stop a train wreck while it is happening, while the cars collide and screech towards what can only be a supremely violent end? How do we stop a tsunami with what seems to be only a few sandbags?

I don’t know how to put any of this very eloquently despite the fact that writing is my vocation, so I’m just going to list some things we can all do to hopefully avoid political catastrophe in the coming while. I have to believe that we avoided this kind of disaster in Canada by saying “No, absolutely not” to the divisive, xenophobic rhetoric of the Conservatives (regardless about how you feel about ANY other political party in this country) and I have to believe that if it is possible here, it is possible anywhere, anytime and about any issue.

Apologies to those who like things framed positively, but some of these things are direct references to harmful behaviour that people DO so the advice needs to be framed as a DON’T.

  1. Take care of yourself. There are a lot of articles out there about activist burnout and the fact that no one can serve from an empty vessel. These articles and ideas are true. While some people equate occasionally disconnecting for the purposes of self-care with privilege, this is not always the case. In fact, for those of us who have to be traumatized every time we see our brothers and sisters bombed or shot to oblivion in our newsfeeds, this is an important first step in grounding yourself. You can know that there is immeasurable pain in the world, take care of yourself and still be active in mitigating injustice in the best ways you know how. These things are not mutually exclusive. In fact, that knowledge and desire to be active necessitates that you take care of yourself lest you be dragged down into the deep hole of depression. Trust me, I’ve been there. I go there a lot. But people need me and my voice more than that hole can serve me, so I have to care of myself guilt-free. We need you around too. We need your bleeding heart. So turn off, tune out, feel the sunshine on your skin, enjoy coffee with a friend, pamper yourself at the spa – do whatever it is that you need to do to take care of yourself before you get back in the trenches. The rest of us will understand and be waiting.
  2. Have painful conversations, if you can, with everyone you know. Maintain contact. The more these people are isolated, the more warped their worldviews become. This one is tough but necessary if you are able to do it. There is absolutely nothing that works better for immediate social change than inviting people to have a conversation… or many of them. Even if those conversations get heated or uncomfortable. Even if they don’t have the results you hope for – they are helpful. A conversation does not have to be an invitation to tea. It can be as simple as asking someone to clarify what they mean when they make racist jokes. It can be as uneventful as calling someone out for an Islamophobic post and asking them what exactly they meant by that. You will find that after all the brainwashed rhetoric has been spewed and the dust settles, they likely didn’t know what they meant by it (“Why did you shoot me?” “I don’t know”) and at the heart of everything is fear and a genuine lack of knowledge. Even for the craziest, consciously racist white supremacists. Their hatred is born in ignorance and the antidote to ignorance is awareness, then education.
  3. Don’t stop sounding the alarm. The fight against the darkness of ignorance and hatred is unrelenting. People devote their lives and careers to trying to protect themselves and others from harmful rhetoric and violence. You don’t necessarily have to do this on your social media accounts, but you can definitely do it in everyday, real life. Every time someone makes a Judeophobic comment about Jewish world conspiracies or claims that all Muslims are terrorists or make queerphobic comments about transpeople in washrooms, you should say something. Even when other people won’t have your back. This isn’t really something we can do once, for one group even, and then call it a day. I’ve been accused of jumping on every social justice bandwagon out there, of capitalizing on the oppression of others by making myself look good. People who hate you will pull any argument out of the hat to besmirch your image. Continue sounding the alarm anyway because your concern is born out of love, not hatred. For me, if I’m known for standing up for society’s most vulnerable individuals and for sounding the alarm on their oppression again and again, no matter which demographic they belong to, I’m going to wear that with pride.
  4. Don’t shit on activists who are doing more than you. This is a tough one. There are a lot of well meaning, non-racist people out there who take it upon themselves to write stupid posts about how “talking about politics and religion on Facebook lacks taste”. Like, what do you even gain from this? What are you contributing to the conversation? When I hear this stuff, I hear people saying “I don’t see colour” – using their privilege to erase other people raising their voices about things that matter to them. Elsewhere, I have written that the internet has become a vehicle for connecting liminal, minority groups and what we are seeing is a dramatic increase in critical awareness for a variety of minority issues. The result is an influx of posts, videos and pages devoted to the causes of those marginalized in regular society. Almost immediately, people in positions of privilege have criticized these movements as minorities being overly-sensitive, rolling their eyes at the proliferation of trigger warnings, or jumping to defend those who have been brought to justice by bringing their injustices to light online. What these individuals don’t realize is three-fold:
  • These oppressed people have always been around you. They just have a larger collectivity now because of the internet and their voice is much louder because of the heavy use and reliance on this technology today.
  • Oppressed people who cannot find justice in their everyday lives will use every means at their disposal – outside of the collectively prescribed methods – to achieve their justice.
  • If you can’t handle the heat, stay out of the kitchen. Challenging the arbitrarily-legitimate and hegemonic-heteronormative social order is what the internet does best. If you don’t like the sound of rallying cries from all directions of oppressed society – you’re probably part of the problem.
  1. Read more. And not just articles you find on the internet. We have to keep educating ourselves in history, philosophy and the social sciences. Other pools of knowledge are also critical: anything and everything that engages our critical thinking and analytical skills to keep us on our toes. Reading stuff that confirms your well-intentioned biases does little to stimulate your mind or increase your knowledge base. The more you know is the more you know and that, in itself, is priceless. Since hatred is rooted in ignorance, I have said time and time again, the primary antidote is education. Facts aren’t enough but they are a good start. Seeking out wisdom through critique is the next step too.
  2. Do more stuff. Yeah, it can seem like a full-time job and I know that it is for me too. But you have to actually do things that make a difference in your community. These things do not need to be complicated. It can be a letter to the editor. It can be forming a small reading group to read the TRC or black history. It can be signing a petition. It can be making a donation or helping an agency committed to fighting discrimination. We have to put our beliefs and ideas into practice. You will be shocked how fast change accumulates when we all put a little extra effort in.
  3. Don’t hate on yourself for only making local change. You don’t have to save the world and, more importantly, you can’t. You can, however, change spaces that you move through and communities that you subscribe to. In fact, this is more important than anything else you are likely to do. Change starts locally and builds momentum outwards and it starts with people being committed to get together and strategize ways to make that change from all possible angles. What you are doing is critically important – don’t worry about living on in the pages of history.
  4. Don’t give up. Bailing out a sinking ship is exhausting if you are doing it alone. Banding together with others, learning to swim or building a better ship in the first place might be better strategies. Either way, we can’t give up, no matter how shell-shocked we feel. People can change; people do change. You have changed and learned and grown – so why can’t others? Part of never giving up is recognizing that this isn’t a one-person show to save the world. You do what you do with your strengths and join hands with others who have their own strengths to stand together. Even if, for every step you take forward, you end up taking two steps back, we have to continue stepping forward. Period.
  5. Take solace in the fact that there is no essential human character. Human beings are neither essentially good, nor essentially evil. We are socially constructed and even though this means that goodness and evil are also socially constructed, it also means we can build the society we need to, together, through dutiful and purposeful education and inculcation. I’m prone to saying BAH at the darkness of humanity and writing all of us off, but I exist and you exist – therefore, it is possible for other compassionate, caring and self-reflective activists to also exist and bring change.

I invite other ideas for staying active and sane. We are, after all, in this together.

In solidarity,

Nakita

 

Tonight, a new friend came to visit me. She is the wife of a mentor and colleague of mine and I have been meaning to connect with her for awhile. Our visit was simple enough – talking over coffee and a platter of fruit while my daughter chattered away, excited about this new friend in our home. I watched as my daughter fed her grapes and placed a hand on her shoulder – simple, immediate intimacy with someone she had only just met. Our conversation was punctuated with finding my little one in hiding as she shrieked with delight from behind the cupboard.

I had been promising my daughter this visit all day, mentioning that this friend was coming over and that we would all go to the nearby park together, which we eventually did. While my kid made instant friends with another girl  on the slides, we talked about our experiences living in different places around the world – Morocco, Pakistan, the United States and Canada.

“What was it like living in America?” I asked. We both knew what this question meant without further elaboration. It meant, what was it like living as a veiled Muslim in America? It meant, had you experienced discrimination or violence there? It meant, did you live in fear there?

She told me about some of her experiences, narrowing in on the fact that Americans tell it like it is – for better or for worse – and that this is something she found surprisingly refreshing. People sometimes shouted out that they liked her clothes. Or they would smile at her out of nowhere.

“I think people have forgotten how to love one another,” she said. “Especially the Ummah” she added, referring to the global Muslim community.

“People don’t even compliment each other any more,” she added. “Something as simple as ‘you have beautiful eyes’,” she stated, nodding towards mine.

I hadn’t received a compliment in a very long time and didn’t even know how to react, but my body did. I had a huge smile plastered on my face and my heart lifted up for a minute. She was right. A compliment is something so simple and is, in itself a form of love, of uplifting one another just for its own sake.

How long had it been since I complimented someone?

I recalled a cartoon that had been making its way on social media – an image of a man and his son. He turns to another man wearing a hat and says “Nice hat!” When the hat-wearer smiles, the man turns to his son and says: “See? Look at his face change: Everyone can have magic powers!”

And it’s true. Heartfelt words are magical and they are powerful. They can disarm hostility and relax a hardened heart. They come unexpectedly and so they take us off-guard. We feel vulnerable because we are so used to being in defensive mode. We laugh it off as a reflex.

After she left, I decided to try out her simple strategy for social change and I started on my mother. It helped that she arrived within a few moments and she looked absolutely beautiful. I took the moment to compliment her on her shiny new eyeliner, noting that, in fact, her whole outfit was put-together and nice. She looked lovely.

“Ok….” She didn’t know what to say as a smile slowly crept onto her face.

“You look beautiful, Nanna,” my little one echoed, smiling as well.

The car filled with love as we drove away together.

One thing I have learned time and time again is that the most meaningful and lasting social change comes from the simplest of continuous interactions and compliments are yet another tool in our arsenal of tools aimed at compassion and acceptance.

I challenge everyone reading this to #complimentsomeone in our #drawingboardchallenge. Spend the next month making the conscious effort to compliment at least one person per day, whether or not you know them. That person might be you some days because, let’s face it, a whole lot of us are going a very long time without having anything nice to say about ourselves.

In a world that is becoming increasingly uncertain and where meaningful and purposeful interaction is diminishing, break down your fears and connect with others: no matter how far someone might feel to you, they are usually only a smile away.